Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
why do cheetos always look like penises
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Randomize
