dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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