Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
