Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
