So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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