i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
