Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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