So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Alive.
So much puke
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
