Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
