It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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