Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
