You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
