my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
