Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
