i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
