I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
