I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
