i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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