You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
