girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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