I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
