yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
