im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
