I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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