Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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