4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We're facebook friends in real life
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
