Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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