Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
