oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
