"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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