why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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