New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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