If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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