just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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