whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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