we're making bets on your personal life
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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