went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
