I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
