Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
