you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
