He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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