I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Sober January is a disaster.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
