my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
