U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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