What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
