the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
