told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
