DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
