apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
