just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
