Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
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Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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