Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize