oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
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No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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