The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
