i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
