One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
