I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
