There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
