You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
