Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If u could sum last night up in one word?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.