my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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