she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
