The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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