I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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