Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
