peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
no, he came in my armpit
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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