Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
