is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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