yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
