I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
