why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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