i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
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Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Im part way to drunk.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
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We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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