this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
