So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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